borassus

So when I'm bored at work, sometimes I'll get lost in the seemingly endless pages of tvtropes.org, just reading about varies tropes used in assorted media (mostly video games).
On one hand, it's fun because it kind of gives my mind something to play with in regards to writing. It helps me think of what kind of character I'd create for a story and how to make them interesting or how to provide some kind of conflict for them.
On the other hand, it's annoying because I deeply want to write something that engages me; something that will spur me to continue until the story is complete. A lot of times, when I begin writing fiction, I get a glimpse of what the outcome of the plot will be and that knowing will defeat me because the middle is such a big mess to figure out.
Another thing: I'm in constant fear that any idea I get has been done already or isn't of my own creation. I'm inspired by various different works in different media (music, art, literature, etc.), but I'm worried I'll subconsciously plagiarize something and get called out for it.
My mind is telling me there's a book on that-- coming up with unique or creative ideas. I'll have to look into that.
I could go on into the many variables of my writer's block/paralysis/coma, but I think a good chunk of my hesitation/frustration is fear.
I think know I'm afraid my work will sound stupid or unoriginal or childish. I also know I'm a fool for thinking I'll suddenly be a brilliant writer without getting through some rough drafts.

Get it together. Get it together.

cursion

I had to look and see when I last updated.
Also had to stop myself from typing 'Facebook.com' into the URL bar again. I mean, you can only check it so many times. I've been going back and forth on the topic of deleting (read: not deactivating) my Facebook. At the risk of sounding elitist or obnoxious or whatever, Facebook really isn't what it used to be.
It may be my imagination or something but before all the games and ads and suggestions and relentless sharing of memes and other image macros (italics for extreme emphasis), Facebook was just a really convenient way for me to keep in touch with friends when I moved away from my hometown.
Granted, there are some folks I DO still actively communicate with via Facebook, but it's beginning to bother me how much I've grown to loathe the internet presence of others on my News Feed.
Perhaps I should go through and weed out my Friends list to tailor my Facebook experience to a less irritating experience... perhaps.

In my last entry, I provided a list of games and books that I hadn't finished at that time.

I still haven't finished them.
I really need a class on time management.

And speaking of classes, I intend to buckle down and return to school. As far as deciding on a major, that's another story. I'm torn between majoring in English, Linguistics, Japanese, or something like Speech/Communications. I know I'll have to do some research on that. Originally, I was going to order my official transcript from the community college I attended back in '04-'07, but thinking back on the large amount of fuckery I engaged in and the influence it had on my grades (for the classes I actually stayed enrolled in), it may be better to just start from scratch. I'm just really crossing my fingers in the hopes that I don't fall into old habits; thinking about it now, that's probably what's held me back-- I'm afraid to fuck it up.