houttuynia

I attended my job's Christmas Party the other night.
As I entered the more than spacious ballroom they reserved, hundreds of people sitting at round tables with poinsettia centerpieces, I realized that I was alone in a sea of 30-40 year old married couples.
But that sort of fueled some kind of fire in me.
I notice that the more challenging/difficult/uncanny a situation is, the more gutsy I become (like a hyper "I-don't-give-a-fuck" mode).
So every spot at a table had a glass of water, a glass of tea, and a salad... but to me, it just looked like people were sitting in all the empty spots at a table. So I pretty much just strut my way to a table that was entirely empty and sat alone (at one moment, I joked and pretended to talk to the rest of the table. I mean... I found it funny).
Eventually, the table behind me offered an empty seat they had.
Occupancy at their table: Three couples... and me.

And I'm not saying all of this to emphasize the sentiment that I was alone at the party.
...well, maybe I am... but in any case, I didn't care too much.
Toward the end of the night, I ended up by myself again. Another co-worker invited me to sit with him and his crew at their table but it then essentially became them chatting away while I listened (aka being by myself in a group of people).
I don't aim to engage in anti-social behavior. It's just some odd mix of not speaking unless I'm spoken to and taking the time to actually listen to people instead of running my mouth (something I've noticed that people do waaay too much). Sometimes I believe that people just... need to listen...
So I do.

I'm being the change I want to see in the world?

Whatever. I looked good that night. Only got one compliment on my outfit.

I think that upset me more than anything.