You know, days like this, I really don't know what to do with myself.
I just find it harder and harder to scrounge up motivation to do anything (besides playing a video game).
Even typing this was a feat. But I figured 'why not?'
I mean, is this depression or something?
All I want to do now is go to work, come home, game, and sleep.
I hardly eat because I never buy food because I'm too lazy to go to the grocery store.
And on the rare occasion that I do go to the store and buy food, I'll come home and eat a majority of it on that same day, leaving me with nothing to eat for the next week or so.
What's my damage?
I almost feel stale.
I'm dull. Like some antique. Except I lack their fragile beauty; their hidden, story-filled past.
Like... what am I supposed to do? As much as I enjoy doing nothing, how do I begin doing something?
(And the fact that I have to ask that is a bit unsettling.)
Make adventure. Even if no one else wants to go. Like that one night I went out on the Metro to go drinking (alone) and got scared and didn't end up drinking because I have no experience in bars (alone) and usually make my friends order my drinks for me. You know what I did that night? I MET JACK ON MY WAY HOME, 12AM, AND I FOLLOWED A STRANGER THROUGH THE NIGHT. Just as many nights I have gone home having accomplished nothing, but as depressed as I was, as lame as I felt going out just to debate with myself about spending money for nothing, and then come empty handed, knowing that ONE of those nights something happened (even if it turned out to be nothing) has fueled me for future potential.
ReplyDeleteOnce you get over that initial 'hump' it all goes from there. The day to day is still boring, I won't lie. You go out maybe once or twice, usually on weekends, and that's when all the potential adventure happens. But when you finally go out and DO something for YOURSELF, not fueled by someone else's whim, suddenly it doesn't seem so bad to eat an entire week's worth of groceries in an hour (I did this yesterday).
I mean, at least that's how it was for me.