Longer absence than expected. Forgive me.
Spent a majority of the weekend in a college town in northwest Arkansas.
Couldn't help but be surprised by the culture and atmosphere.
Was also taken aback by the level of professionalism, I guess you could say?
Frankly, everyone seemed to have their shit together, which is always stunning to me.
But hey, more power to 'em.
I like to think that I know where I'll be in four or five years but, to be honest, I don't. I lack the planning and time management skills that all those young professionals utilize to attain their goals. And that's not to say that I don't have any ambition to try and make something of myself. I just have a feeling it'll take a lot more effort from me, knowing that I just don't feel like I'm naturally compelled to go above and beyond all the time.
(Underachievers, unite!)
In any case, it was a fantastic weekend.
There's something about this relationship I'm in that's so different from my previous ones. It just seems to fit. It's probably the most fun I've had with a guy without interfering variables (parents, unemployment, emotional baggage, etc.). A strange and wonderful simplicity that's like grasping at a fish in a pond. You see it and reach for it and it just wriggles away so easily, those slick scales just sliding past your grip. But you aren't upset. You wait for the next moment to capture it. And even though you continually fumble, you can't help but admire its beauty.
January 29, 2012
January 22, 2012
exenterate
Couldn't sleep last night.
Well, that's a bit of a lie-- I fell asleep in my boyfriend's lap for about 20 minutes and THEN I couldn't sleep. I took him back to his apartment and arrived back at my own to just sit around for a minute or two before I decided to dabble in a few games I hadn't played in a while (namely, DJ Hero 2 and Super Street Fighter 4). But when those grew stale, I was back at square one, trying to figure out a way to kill time until I felt tired again.
I turned off the television and got a snack from the pantry-- a granola bar since I'm watching what I eat for right now.
In my room, I settled into my bed for some quality internet browsing.
Nine hours of internet browsing.
Saw some new things.
Saw sold old things.
Funny things.
Depressing things.
Amazing things.
I think the most interesting item I found was this photo:
(and you may have to look a little closer to read the text)
But it gave me chills to remember just how small and insignificant Earth and its inhabitants are.
THEN, I saw this:
and got pretty awestruck. There's just so much going on. So much MORE going on than anything I could ever dream up.
And here I am in my room.
On the internet.
Because I can't sleep. Hmph.
Well, that's a bit of a lie-- I fell asleep in my boyfriend's lap for about 20 minutes and THEN I couldn't sleep. I took him back to his apartment and arrived back at my own to just sit around for a minute or two before I decided to dabble in a few games I hadn't played in a while (namely, DJ Hero 2 and Super Street Fighter 4). But when those grew stale, I was back at square one, trying to figure out a way to kill time until I felt tired again.
I turned off the television and got a snack from the pantry-- a granola bar since I'm watching what I eat for right now.
In my room, I settled into my bed for some quality internet browsing.
Nine hours of internet browsing.
Saw some new things.
Saw sold old things.
Funny things.
Depressing things.
Amazing things.
I think the most interesting item I found was this photo:
But it gave me chills to remember just how small and insignificant Earth and its inhabitants are.
THEN, I saw this:
And here I am in my room.
On the internet.
Because I can't sleep. Hmph.
January 17, 2012
sgraffito
I have, I think, three and a half notebooks full of journal entries that I like to go back and read through every once and again. Is it strange that, with each entry I read, I remember everything I wrote? And I don't mean that in the sense that I'm just reading everything there on the page but with just the first few words, I recognize what that specific entry is about.
Or is that just stupid and obvious?
It's kind of the same with my blog entries; I don't go back and read them too often because I already know what they say and what I was feeling when I wrote them. That's a normal experience, right? Are there people that maintain journals and then go back, not remembering what they wrote?
Whatever.
Spent my day off playing games with a side of boyfriend time (walk in le park) and productivity (laundry complete!).
Lately, I have the suspicion that I've grown a little, primarily in myass hips/thighs. I had to buy new jeans a few weeks ago due to my current ones fitting a little tighter and my underwear has felt awfully tight as of late too.
Now, I'm well aware of being gifted-all-natural back there, but I don't need it getting out of control to the point where sweatpants are the only thing that fit. If anything, this red flag has convinced me that I really do need to get back into the gym or at least start getting active again.
And with another, well crafted segue, I'd like to state that I usually post at night, in bed. It's the last thing I do before sleeping. I check Facebook, reddit, various blogs of friends, and other bookmarks before I culminate my thoughts into this.
I apologize for the lack of substance.
Or is that just stupid and obvious?
It's kind of the same with my blog entries; I don't go back and read them too often because I already know what they say and what I was feeling when I wrote them. That's a normal experience, right? Are there people that maintain journals and then go back, not remembering what they wrote?
Whatever.
Spent my day off playing games with a side of boyfriend time (walk in le park) and productivity (laundry complete!).
Lately, I have the suspicion that I've grown a little, primarily in my
Now, I'm well aware of being gifted-all-natural back there, but I don't need it getting out of control to the point where sweatpants are the only thing that fit. If anything, this red flag has convinced me that I really do need to get back into the gym or at least start getting active again.
And with another, well crafted segue, I'd like to state that I usually post at night, in bed. It's the last thing I do before sleeping. I check Facebook, reddit, various blogs of friends, and other bookmarks before I culminate my thoughts into this.
I apologize for the lack of substance.
January 15, 2012
January 12, 2012
livonian
It got ridiculously cold today and, even now, I can feel that biting air, slithering its way through the openings in the windows and making the efforts of the heating system futile.
Time to bring in some extra blankets. Something about sleeping under a heavy blanket or under several blankets is so soothing to me. I think it has to do with the weight; that gentle resistance that a down comforter can provide will tempt me to stay in bed for god knows how long.
I think the more frequently I blog, the shorter my entries are. It's as if I have to build up things to say or write about before I make a new post. It's like starving myself. If I just continue to eat, I'll remain relatively full but can still cram in a small snack or two. But if I just refrain from eating, when it comes time to feast, my stomach becomes bottomless. That was a bit of a reverse simile that I didn't think through that well.
I was told by my supervisor today that, tomorrow, after I come in and make sure I get all my ducks in a row work-wise, that I have the rest of the day off.
And it scared me ("Omg is he mad? DID I DO SOMETHING? AM I GETTING FIRED SOON!?").
I'm still going to take it though. He also said he'd look into giving me next Friday off as well, which kicked my paranoia into overdrive. Still, I guess I appreciate it. After all, I recall him mentioning trying to get me compensatory days off since I worked over the holidays.
Lastly, that fitness kick? Yeah, it ain't kickin' off so well.
I'm just SO LAZY.
This week was supposed to be the start but when Monday came around, I just couldn't make it out of bed ('dem blankets!). I'll try again next week. Drag myself from the comfort of my bed and lace up them running shoes. I roll my eyes now but there are definitely times while I'm in my fitness mania where I feel proud of myself for pushing through the procrastination.
(if only I could apply that attitude toward fiction writing :p)
Time to bring in some extra blankets. Something about sleeping under a heavy blanket or under several blankets is so soothing to me. I think it has to do with the weight; that gentle resistance that a down comforter can provide will tempt me to stay in bed for god knows how long.
I think the more frequently I blog, the shorter my entries are. It's as if I have to build up things to say or write about before I make a new post. It's like starving myself. If I just continue to eat, I'll remain relatively full but can still cram in a small snack or two. But if I just refrain from eating, when it comes time to feast, my stomach becomes bottomless. That was a bit of a reverse simile that I didn't think through that well.
I was told by my supervisor today that, tomorrow, after I come in and make sure I get all my ducks in a row work-wise, that I have the rest of the day off.
And it scared me ("Omg is he mad? DID I DO SOMETHING? AM I GETTING FIRED SOON!?").
I'm still going to take it though. He also said he'd look into giving me next Friday off as well, which kicked my paranoia into overdrive. Still, I guess I appreciate it. After all, I recall him mentioning trying to get me compensatory days off since I worked over the holidays.
Lastly, that fitness kick? Yeah, it ain't kickin' off so well.
I'm just SO LAZY.
This week was supposed to be the start but when Monday came around, I just couldn't make it out of bed ('dem blankets!). I'll try again next week. Drag myself from the comfort of my bed and lace up them running shoes. I roll my eyes now but there are definitely times while I'm in my fitness mania where I feel proud of myself for pushing through the procrastination.
(if only I could apply that attitude toward fiction writing :p)
January 9, 2012
pseudocercus
Y'know that health kick I was talking about yesterday?
Yeah, so difficult to make it happen. Today was supposed to be the big kick-off and yet I slept in, once again, and skipped out on running like I planned last Friday.
Even worse, I signed up for an account at Fitocracy and was all ready and raring to go.
Then, 6 a.m. rolled around and I didn't budge from this doggone queen size bed.
I'm a pro.
It might just be mornings that are getting me. I wonder if I swap things around so that I work out at the end of the day... maybe, since I'll already be awake and alert, it'd be easier to motivate myself?
Although, coming home from work and shedding my uniform is an easy gateway into laziness so I'd have to watch myself.
Anyway, I'm trying to find the meaning to this song because it's one of my favorite things to listen to at the moment:
Gets me in total shoegazer mode, ya dig?
Yeah, so difficult to make it happen. Today was supposed to be the big kick-off and yet I slept in, once again, and skipped out on running like I planned last Friday.
Even worse, I signed up for an account at Fitocracy and was all ready and raring to go.
Then, 6 a.m. rolled around and I didn't budge from this doggone queen size bed.
I'm a pro.
It might just be mornings that are getting me. I wonder if I swap things around so that I work out at the end of the day... maybe, since I'll already be awake and alert, it'd be easier to motivate myself?
Although, coming home from work and shedding my uniform is an easy gateway into laziness so I'd have to watch myself.
Anyway, I'm trying to find the meaning to this song because it's one of my favorite things to listen to at the moment:
January 8, 2012
ixobrychus
My roommate's out visiting one of her friends and I guess her cat felt lonely--
he meowed until he reached my room and then slowly padded up to my bed, effortlessly hopping up next to me, and nestled himself into my lap.
Now, since my boyfriend's allergic to cats (and everything else in the world, it seems), I try to keep my direct contact with the cat to a minimum. But it just seemed like the little guy wanted a pal so I left him there to rest, not even flinching when his claws pressed through the fabric of my sweatpants and poked at my skin.
He was comfortable.
It just dawned on me that I've got two more years until I can go back to school and I got a little giddy. In fact, I'm torn between excitement and anxiety because I'll have to make a decision in two years. I'll either bite the bullet and carry on the way things are now or make some kind of leap of faith and attempt school again or, hell, try something radical like traveling abroad.
I just don't know.
I have a friend who has his future planned out to the finest detail. He has hopes and dreams and the ambition and drive to go for them.
Me? Not so much. I stay right here. In the present. In the now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now.
I've never been so sure as to why I never make plans. I mean, I try. Most of the time, they're last minute plans, but I try. I'm just living one day at a time, I suppose.
For instance, as cliche as it may seem, I'm trying to get back into my fitness routine. Do I have a goal? Nope. But I just want to feel like I'm contributing to my health, I guess. Mainly, that means getting back to running at least two miles a day, three times a week. And, as I previously mentioned, I intend to begin doing Tai Chi again (I mean, really, it's like a fifteen minute squat!).
Several months ago, I was feeling a bit lethargic; there was, in a sense, nothing to my life. It was just work, home, games-- lather, rinse, repeat. There were positive changes, e.g. new job, new boyfriend, new friends, etc, but, deep down, I think I still felt some kind of need for dramatic change.
Hopefully, with the coming of a much needed pay raise at work, I can purchase a new car. And on top of that, maybe I'll achieve some kind of level of fitness as well. We'll see.
he meowed until he reached my room and then slowly padded up to my bed, effortlessly hopping up next to me, and nestled himself into my lap.
Now, since my boyfriend's allergic to cats (and everything else in the world, it seems), I try to keep my direct contact with the cat to a minimum. But it just seemed like the little guy wanted a pal so I left him there to rest, not even flinching when his claws pressed through the fabric of my sweatpants and poked at my skin.
He was comfortable.
It just dawned on me that I've got two more years until I can go back to school and I got a little giddy. In fact, I'm torn between excitement and anxiety because I'll have to make a decision in two years. I'll either bite the bullet and carry on the way things are now or make some kind of leap of faith and attempt school again or, hell, try something radical like traveling abroad.
I just don't know.
I have a friend who has his future planned out to the finest detail. He has hopes and dreams and the ambition and drive to go for them.
Me? Not so much. I stay right here. In the present. In the now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now.
I've never been so sure as to why I never make plans. I mean, I try. Most of the time, they're last minute plans, but I try. I'm just living one day at a time, I suppose.
For instance, as cliche as it may seem, I'm trying to get back into my fitness routine. Do I have a goal? Nope. But I just want to feel like I'm contributing to my health, I guess. Mainly, that means getting back to running at least two miles a day, three times a week. And, as I previously mentioned, I intend to begin doing Tai Chi again (I mean, really, it's like a fifteen minute squat!).
Several months ago, I was feeling a bit lethargic; there was, in a sense, nothing to my life. It was just work, home, games-- lather, rinse, repeat. There were positive changes, e.g. new job, new boyfriend, new friends, etc, but, deep down, I think I still felt some kind of need for dramatic change.
Hopefully, with the coming of a much needed pay raise at work, I can purchase a new car. And on top of that, maybe I'll achieve some kind of level of fitness as well. We'll see.
January 6, 2012
affettuoso
sits down to blog
looks up prompts to write about
falls asleep while deciding what to write about
several hours later, curses himself for sleeping sitting up in bed all night
This may be more difficult than I first imagined...
looks up prompts to write about
falls asleep while deciding what to write about
several hours later, curses himself for sleeping sitting up in bed all night
This may be more difficult than I first imagined...
January 4, 2012
stringendo
I've got a blank mind and a blank page to fill.
I'm at boyfriend's house (DEDICATION!) and I'm using his Mac and I feel how I imagine old people must feel when they come into contact with any computer. It's an all new system to get used to; new technology.
Granted, the last time I worked with a Mac was back in high school on the newspaper but that was years ago and while the basic traits of the Mac OS are still prominent, it still feels radically different, especially for me, who uses a PC 99% of the time.
Still, a computer is a computer and I can appreciate it for what it is. Its pros and its cons. I mean, the reason Macs and iProducts are so popular in the first place is because of their usability; they're easy to operate and are less intimidating than some find PCs to be. Also, they have that sleekness to them, often times in that milky white color, and it naturally draws the eye.
For the most part, I'm not a Mac hater. I just don't prefer them.
Kind of like food. For instance, I'm not a huge fan of black olives. But I don't hate them. If they accidentally appear on my sandwich or my pizza, I'm not going to turn the whole thing down. I'm not a black olive hater. I just don't prefer them.
Besides, this Mac is just helping me attain my goal of daily blogging. Just like the slice of pizza that olive may be on helping me attain my goal of nourishment.
...I always found that word strange... 'nourish'... Whenever someone would pray over our meal during family functions or something, they had the tendency to include "...and Lord, please let this food bring nourishment to our bodies..." and it'd always strike me as an odd combination of letters.
Nurr-ish-mint.
I think it's that 'nurr' part. Some people pronounce it 'nore-ish-ment'.
It's late. I need to go to bed.
January 3, 2012
sorn
Boyfriend asked me what my pet peeves were a few days ago and it's been racking my brain ever since because I couldn't think of any.
Not that I'm trying to say I don't have any but I tried to specifically think of something that got on my nerves to the point where I'd approach a person and, with all the tact I could muster, tell them to stop whatever it is they're doing because it's bothering me.
But, even then, I don't think I'd do that. Over the years, I've cultivated this unyielding fountain of patience and, while there are things that annoy me, I try not to let them control me or my emotions. A slew of options become available when you pause in a given situation and take the tiniest second to breathe and reanalyze things, reprocessing them in your mind to make a more insightful assessment.
On the topic of training the mind, I think one of my goals is to get deeply back into Tai Chi and other various martial arts. I keep wondering what kind of person I'd be had I not gotten involved with Tai Chi back in high school. I recall fits of rage or frustration when things went to pieces or just overall lack of inner discipline, reflected in my grades.
I think I'm more focused now. I'm more aware of myself and what I'm capable of and what I'm comfortable with. I feel things in a different way, if that makes sense. I see from a different point of view. Like I said, I'd still like to train my mind and body; I'm always in awe of the beauty in different martial arts. It's just a matter of getting there. Good thing I'm not bothered by journeys, no matter the length.
Not that I'm trying to say I don't have any but I tried to specifically think of something that got on my nerves to the point where I'd approach a person and, with all the tact I could muster, tell them to stop whatever it is they're doing because it's bothering me.
But, even then, I don't think I'd do that. Over the years, I've cultivated this unyielding fountain of patience and, while there are things that annoy me, I try not to let them control me or my emotions. A slew of options become available when you pause in a given situation and take the tiniest second to breathe and reanalyze things, reprocessing them in your mind to make a more insightful assessment.
On the topic of training the mind, I think one of my goals is to get deeply back into Tai Chi and other various martial arts. I keep wondering what kind of person I'd be had I not gotten involved with Tai Chi back in high school. I recall fits of rage or frustration when things went to pieces or just overall lack of inner discipline, reflected in my grades.
I think I'm more focused now. I'm more aware of myself and what I'm capable of and what I'm comfortable with. I feel things in a different way, if that makes sense. I see from a different point of view. Like I said, I'd still like to train my mind and body; I'm always in awe of the beauty in different martial arts. It's just a matter of getting there. Good thing I'm not bothered by journeys, no matter the length.
adagietto
I'm pretty sure I'm musically evolving. Or at least shifting into different musical territory.
Lately, it's been all about electropop. The dancier/groovier, the better.
Boyfriend turned me on to this little gem by way of the show 'Portlandia'. And I know I just said I like 'em groovy, but this song is definitely going on my driving-to-work-in-the-morning playlist.
My memory is telling me that I've mentioned this before but I think my affinity for synthesizers may stem from years of video game music? Growing up, those little chiptunes and 16-bit soundtracks made up a nice bulk of what I listened to. To this day, there are songs from early 90's games that just shake me to my core.
Here's a favorite:
Combine that tune with the tragic story of the girl it's about and you've got me staring into space, the melody hopping on a bullet train to my emotions.
Anyway, I'm not one for resolutions but I'm making an effort to blog more frequently. Goal is roughly once a day or six times a week. I have to find some way of reminding myself since I know I won't always have my laptop readily available. I may resort to blogging from my phone or utilize my relatively new Nook and its easier, lighter portability (...touchscreen keyboard though... :/ )
Here's to goals and seeing them through.
(also, I'm going to take it easy on the ex-boyfriend posts. He just... isn't worth the blog space.)
Lately, it's been all about electropop. The dancier/groovier, the better.
My memory is telling me that I've mentioned this before but I think my affinity for synthesizers may stem from years of video game music? Growing up, those little chiptunes and 16-bit soundtracks made up a nice bulk of what I listened to. To this day, there are songs from early 90's games that just shake me to my core.
Here's a favorite:
Anyway, I'm not one for resolutions but I'm making an effort to blog more frequently. Goal is roughly once a day or six times a week. I have to find some way of reminding myself since I know I won't always have my laptop readily available. I may resort to blogging from my phone or utilize my relatively new Nook and its easier, lighter portability (...touchscreen keyboard though... :/ )
Here's to goals and seeing them through.
(also, I'm going to take it easy on the ex-boyfriend posts. He just... isn't worth the blog space.)
January 1, 2012
egretta
Him: "It's my bday today. Write happy bday on my wall bc if no one does I will feel extremely lonely and look like no one loves me. :("
Me: "I'm sorry but I'm not doing that. If you want the attention, go to Facebook and update your birthday in your information so that it'll show up in other people's event calendar.
Him: "Ok. You were just the only one I felt comfortable enough to ask that. I didn't want to do it myself. It was hard to ask."
Me: "To be honest, I was disappointed that you even asked."
Him: "Well, you didn't remember? Listen, it isn't a big deal. You don't have to make me feel worse. It was immature perhaps but your response was stuffy and old. Have a good day. I don't feel like continuing this on my birthday."
(For the record, he forgot my birthday earlier last year but it was no big deal to me.)
Me: "You're right; I didn't remember and I'm sorry. But I wasn't going to post that on your wall just so you can garner attention."
Him: "I'm having a shitty enough time as it is, irrespective of how self employed those feelings may be. And I don't feel like hearing some rehearsed version of the truth inspired by Eastern religion today. I'm sure I'll garner enough attention without your help. But that wasn't the issue. Actually, there really isn't an issue. Have a good day."
Me: "Alrighty then. Cheer up, yeah?"
Him: "...like I said."
...he's so stupid.
Me: "I'm sorry but I'm not doing that. If you want the attention, go to Facebook and update your birthday in your information so that it'll show up in other people's event calendar.
Him: "Ok. You were just the only one I felt comfortable enough to ask that. I didn't want to do it myself. It was hard to ask."
Me: "To be honest, I was disappointed that you even asked."
Him: "Well, you didn't remember? Listen, it isn't a big deal. You don't have to make me feel worse. It was immature perhaps but your response was stuffy and old. Have a good day. I don't feel like continuing this on my birthday."
(For the record, he forgot my birthday earlier last year but it was no big deal to me.)
Me: "You're right; I didn't remember and I'm sorry. But I wasn't going to post that on your wall just so you can garner attention."
Him: "I'm having a shitty enough time as it is, irrespective of how self employed those feelings may be. And I don't feel like hearing some rehearsed version of the truth inspired by Eastern religion today. I'm sure I'll garner enough attention without your help. But that wasn't the issue. Actually, there really isn't an issue. Have a good day."
Me: "Alrighty then. Cheer up, yeah?"
Him: "...like I said."
...he's so stupid.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)